No I am not planning on being a monster for Halloween. I am turning into a monster of the green-eyed variety.
It is really becoming a battle. This going back to work thing is really hard. It started out well, I was extremely busy at that time so maybe that helped. But each day on my drive to work I have to check my attitude and it is really getting hard.
As I am driving I think about all the Mom’s I know that are able to stay home with their children and I long to be them. I think about the women I know who have prosperous Etsy shops and I wish I could be them. I have practically stopped reading blogs because I can’t handle the posts about the loving Mom’s who make crafts with their children, spend time taking beautiful pictures that they have time to blog about and I just feel like punching my computer screen.
I feel like I wake up in the morning and I am running all day and I never get to spend time with my husband or children. My daughter just celebrated her 9th birthday and I didn’t even see her that day. I went to work, came home and changed to attend a gala reception for work and left the girls with a babysitter. I am definitely not winning the ‘Mom of the Year’ award.
This is a very open post today because I can’t even focus on my work, so yes I am writing a personal blog post at work. I need to get this out so that I can get on with my day and put my focus where I am being paid to put it.
This change in my life is obviously going to take longer to deal with than I thought. I have to admit that I have great things going on at work, like a youth leadership program that I get to develop and organizing conferences that will encourage and build up the people and businesses in Prince Albert.
But in everything that I am doing right now, my attitude stinks. I know this and I am trying to change it, but I am struggling in a huge way.
Carolyn, I hear ya! It is a challenge to be a working mom. I feel that home runs better, kids are well organized, I'm at peace when I'm on days off. Days at work - the opposite. However, I still enjoy my work and am completely convinced that it is one of my callings. But it's hard to balance it all and feel like you're successful at everything, because you're not. Maybe the biggest lesson that I keep learning is that I need to be merciful towards myself/my expectations of myself. I really want to be suzie homemaker, good at holding it all together. Occasionally, I am. Often, I'm not. God still loves me. My children have watched me sacrifice so that we can make it, and truthfully, that hasn't hurt them. My husband has learned how to pick up the slack on some things. And I have learned to accept dust bunnies in my living room. If I could choose the perfect scenario for my life, I'm not sure anymore what that would look like. Perhaps hiring a house keeper now and then? Bottom line, making moments at home count - top priority. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting, it helps me to hand in there a little longer. I do not feel like this is my calling, it is a matter of necessity right now. But it is something that we will have to work through and make it work as a family.
DeleteI think that's a key statement "make it work as a family" because the whole family has to help MAKE it work, for now. Perhaps this is just a season that you will have to trudge through...take care.
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