Spring Fever

It's spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!  ~Mark Twain

Spring is finally here in Saskatchewan.  I just experienced the longest winter of my life!  Seven months is far too long to have to deal with snow.

The mud is everywhere, because it snowed so early we were not able to finish our renovations.  Our dogs now get to play in mud.

I am so excited to see signs of spring, and of new beginnings and to spend time outside!

  The buds on the trees are starting to show, the girls have been playing on the tire swing.

I can relate so much with the quote at the top.  My heart has been aching, I desire the time to begin to fill this ache.  I know what it is and it seems like I keep hitting road blocks.  I know they are just distractions from what I know I need to be doing.

So here is to new beginnings, fresh air and pushing road blocks out of my way and choosing to fill that ache that is burning within me.

choosing wisely

It seems like everyone is trying to sell you something these days.  Each morning when I open my inbox at work there are several emails telling me what I need to purchase or buy into.

Have you noticed that too?  With all of today’s social media you can really get inundated with information.  Whether you are in the work place or have the wonderful opportunity of being home with your children, you seem to get it from everywhere.  Even some of my favourite blogs have gone from being a place to visit with a friend to a commercial either selling their products or those of their friends.

Recently I have stopped following several blogs and people on either Facebook or Instagram because it was so disappointing seeing these beautiful women marketing their gifts and talents in shameless promotion or what seemed like false modesty.

It just breaks my heart, mostly because I was caught in that trap years ago.  I took the webinars and listened to the podcasts of how to market the gifts and talents that God gave you so that you can become a rich stay at home Mom.

You know what, it didn’t happen.  I spent so much time fighting against God trying to convince Him that He needed to bless all these things that I was doing because I deserved to make money because I was doing all this for His glory.

Let me clarify something: I am not judging the writers of the blogs that I left.  I do not know their hearts, what they choose to post on their blogs and write on Facebook is something that is between God and them.  I used discernment and if I felt uncomfortable visiting their blog I choose to leave.

I have the privilege of choosing what I put into my heart and mind.  As I edited my blog RSS feed it was like saying good-bye to friends.  But I know that a cleaning of my heart and mind is needed.  This is my new journey.

I want to apologize to anyone who may have visited my blog in the past and you felt like you were visiting a commercial; and I want to thank you for visiting my blog today.  Like myself you have the choice to choose what you are putting into your heart and mind.  I thank you for stopping by to spend this time with me.  I hope that you come again and that this becomes a place where we can visit.

Have a beautiful day!

I am turning into a monster!!!!!

No I am not planning on being a monster for Halloween.  I am turning into a monster of the green-eyed variety. 

It is really becoming a battle.  This going back to work thing is really hard.  It started out well, I was extremely busy at that time so maybe that helped.  But each day on my drive to work I have to check my attitude and it is really getting hard.

As I am driving I think about all the Mom’s I know that are able to stay home with their children and I long to be them.  I think about the women I know who have prosperous Etsy shops and I wish I could be them.  I have practically stopped reading blogs because I can’t handle the posts about the loving Mom’s who make crafts with their children, spend time taking beautiful pictures that they have time to blog about and I just feel like punching my computer screen.

I feel like I wake up in the morning and I am running all day and I never get to spend time with my husband or children.  My daughter just celebrated her 9th birthday and I didn’t even see her that day.  I went to work, came home and changed to attend a gala reception for work and left the girls with a babysitter.  I am definitely not winning the ‘Mom of the Year’ award.

This is a very open post today because I can’t even focus on my work, so yes I am writing a personal blog post at work.  I need to get this out so that I can get on with my day and put my focus where I am being paid to put it.

This change in my life is obviously going to take longer to deal with than I thought.  I have to admit that I have great things going on at work, like a youth leadership program that I get to develop and organizing conferences that will encourage and build up the people and businesses in Prince Albert.

But in everything that I am doing right now, my attitude stinks.  I know this and I am trying to change it, but I am struggling in a huge way.

A theme…

I am definitely seeing change as a theme in my life.  Apparently, I still have something to learn in this area.  I like structure, having a plan, knowing what each day will bring and no surprises.  When things change I need an adjustment period to get things straight in my mind and have a new plan.  Do I sound strange?  Am I the only one that feels this way?

I have learned through the years that I am really a home body.  Let me spend time at home puttering around and cuddling with my family.  I am happy with that.

Well, that change word snuck in the back door and my life resembles something that I do not recognize anymore.

I am now getting up and out the door first thing in the morning in business attire, looking somewhat professional and presentable.  I am having meetings and lunches with executives from our city, the mayor and even ministers. 

My official title is “Communications Coordinator”, all the things I used to do at home for free I am now being paid to do.  I have kept my professionalism in what I do and I do things well.  I have made changes to make things run more smoothly and give a professionalism that this organization deserves.

I have faced a few challenges by going back to work full time.  It is definitely difficult on the family, especially on the girls.  But things are getting better; I have personally had a few breakdowns where I just wanted to be home.  But seasons change and right now I am in a season where I need to work. 

Many mornings on my drive to work I have to change my attitude because the one I woke up with was a really bad one.  Some days are better than others but I have worked through a lot of change through the years and I can persevere through this as well.

I will continue on this journey of life and believe that I have been created for such a time as now.

Thankful Thursday ~ Realization

After being in youth ministry for so many years I was often asked the question about how do you find the man of your dreams.  My reply was to get involved in things that use your gifts and talents and once you are doing that often you will meet someone with the same interests as you and it will hopefully give you a great starting point to a life long relationship.  Of course there are many variables in that, but I know many couples with that story of how they met and I, myself have that story as well.

So why am I sharing this with you?  I came to the realization the other day that the same way that you can meet the man of your dreams can be true when finding the success that you dream of in your life. 

I have to admit that I have had a lot of envy issues over the last few months.  I have been meeting great people through the blog world and Etsy sellers and I look at their successes and wonder why they can’t be my successes too.  We may all do different things but I think that I am good at what I do and yet I see no success in it.  I guess I should define what I am using as the definition of success.  I am making no money.  I am a success in the fact that I can crochet well but I would like to see some monetary profit in what I do.

I look back at the things that I have done over the past few years and I realized that I continue to be a financial burden for my husband.  What a gracious man I am married to.  He works so hard and I come up with flighty ideas hoping to add to our family bank account, which in the end only decrease the family bank account.

I am tired, I am tried of trying to make things work that really don’t, of getting involved in things that take me away from my family more than they should.  It was time for a re-evaluation.

What I conclude is this: the people that I have been envious over have invested in their gifts and developed their gifts and they have made it a success. 

Success is not just going to fall in my lap. 

I am going to continue to develop my gift and branch out into other areas which is happening naturally for me right now. (more about that in my next post)  Which is so encouraging!!!!  I don’t now where this will lead, if it will be “a man of my dreams kind of success” but I vow to be thankful for where I am and where I am going and I will try to listen to that still small voice that I ignore more often than I listen to.

In case you are wondering….

I have been making some changes to my blog and what I worked on yesterday didn’t work every well.  Working with html can be a little tricky sometimes.  So for now I am going with white.  When I get a minute or two I will try to fix it.

We are having a big yard sale on Saturday to get of a lot of our “stuff”.  With our renos coming soon we need to down-size.  I have been a purseaholic for years and I am going to be selling about 20 purses! (I may shed a few tears.)  Plus many other things that my girls have out-grown and trends have changed.  We are all in a different phase of life then when we moved in here 8 years ago.  Should be an interesting day and thankfully it is supposed to be warm!  I will let you know how it goes.  It would be wonderful if I could sell enough stuff to get an ipad!  Now that would make my day!

New Year ~ a time of change

Happy New Year!  I know I am a little late but it’s better late than never right?  This year is bringing stress and excitement.  Therefore I have named this year the “Year of Change and Challenges!”  Let me just start by saying I can’t wait for this year to be over.

Why?  This year is going to be a year of a lot of changes for our family.  The biggest will be a massive renovation of our home.  This has been in the making for a few years but it is now becoming a reality and it scares me.  As soon as the snow is gone we will be moving into our trailer.  So I have until the snow melts to pack up our home.  This is an overwhelming task.  We moved into this home when I have 7 months pregnant and thankfully we had a lot of helpers but I didn’t get to pack or unpack anything really.  So I am going through things that surprize me and we are going to have one huge yard sale as soon as we can.  So that is our major challenge this year, we are hoping to have structure up so that we have someplace warm to live when the snow returns, and in Saskatchewan you never know when that will be.  This year we were heavily dumped on before Halloween!

Also, I have been working through the Fresh Brewed Life and it is really pushing me into some areas that scare me but I know it needs to be done.  I am thankful to be moving into the trailer because we will no longer have the TV as a distraction and I will have a lot more time to crochet, study and write. (that is when I am not helping with the reno) 

There will also be a lot of changes and additions to my website as well.  You may notice the new mailing list that I have added on the right.  I am building a mailing list of those that are interested in what I am doing, particularly with my book and ministry to teens girls.  That is an area that is going to be developing a lot in the coming months.  Please feel free to add your email and learn about this growing and developing area of my life that I am so excited about!!!

I am looking forward to growing and developing the character of Christ in 2011!  Would you like to join me for the journey?