I am turning into a monster!!!!!

No I am not planning on being a monster for Halloween.  I am turning into a monster of the green-eyed variety. 

It is really becoming a battle.  This going back to work thing is really hard.  It started out well, I was extremely busy at that time so maybe that helped.  But each day on my drive to work I have to check my attitude and it is really getting hard.

As I am driving I think about all the Mom’s I know that are able to stay home with their children and I long to be them.  I think about the women I know who have prosperous Etsy shops and I wish I could be them.  I have practically stopped reading blogs because I can’t handle the posts about the loving Mom’s who make crafts with their children, spend time taking beautiful pictures that they have time to blog about and I just feel like punching my computer screen.

I feel like I wake up in the morning and I am running all day and I never get to spend time with my husband or children.  My daughter just celebrated her 9th birthday and I didn’t even see her that day.  I went to work, came home and changed to attend a gala reception for work and left the girls with a babysitter.  I am definitely not winning the ‘Mom of the Year’ award.

This is a very open post today because I can’t even focus on my work, so yes I am writing a personal blog post at work.  I need to get this out so that I can get on with my day and put my focus where I am being paid to put it.

This change in my life is obviously going to take longer to deal with than I thought.  I have to admit that I have great things going on at work, like a youth leadership program that I get to develop and organizing conferences that will encourage and build up the people and businesses in Prince Albert.

But in everything that I am doing right now, my attitude stinks.  I know this and I am trying to change it, but I am struggling in a huge way.

A theme…

I am definitely seeing change as a theme in my life.  Apparently, I still have something to learn in this area.  I like structure, having a plan, knowing what each day will bring and no surprises.  When things change I need an adjustment period to get things straight in my mind and have a new plan.  Do I sound strange?  Am I the only one that feels this way?

I have learned through the years that I am really a home body.  Let me spend time at home puttering around and cuddling with my family.  I am happy with that.

Well, that change word snuck in the back door and my life resembles something that I do not recognize anymore.

I am now getting up and out the door first thing in the morning in business attire, looking somewhat professional and presentable.  I am having meetings and lunches with executives from our city, the mayor and even ministers. 

My official title is “Communications Coordinator”, all the things I used to do at home for free I am now being paid to do.  I have kept my professionalism in what I do and I do things well.  I have made changes to make things run more smoothly and give a professionalism that this organization deserves.

I have faced a few challenges by going back to work full time.  It is definitely difficult on the family, especially on the girls.  But things are getting better; I have personally had a few breakdowns where I just wanted to be home.  But seasons change and right now I am in a season where I need to work. 

Many mornings on my drive to work I have to change my attitude because the one I woke up with was a really bad one.  Some days are better than others but I have worked through a lot of change through the years and I can persevere through this as well.

I will continue on this journey of life and believe that I have been created for such a time as now.

Thankful Thursday ~ Wake-up calls

I am thankful for friends who are willing to give you a wake-up call when you need one.

About a month ago during the middle of the night thieves came and broke into my husbands truck and stole most of his tools.  My husband is a contractor and this is our livelihood.  I did not take this situation well.  Not only was this an invasion on our home and family but also a great loss to our company at one of the worst times of the year for contractors.  After dealing with the police and insurance companies we learned that we didn’t have enough insurance on “tools” to replace all that was lost.  Which was in the thousands. 

My stress level was pretty high; during the day I would stress about money and at night I would lay awake listening to see if the thieves came back to rob us again.  After a couple of weeks of no sleep I was a walking zombie.  Not a good place to be; I was of little use to anyone.

I would pray to find peace in this situation, and all I would hear is “give thanks in all circumstances.”  So then I would list all the things I was thankful for but still no sleep.

One morning in Sunday School a friend asked how I was, and my only reply could be, “Tired”.  She then shared a verse with me that was given to her when she was going through a challenging time.

Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

That night I thought of that verse as I was going to bed and I had the first real sleep in weeks.  I am so thankful that my friends look out for me and they are obedient to give me what I need when I need it.  It seems to be a theme these days and I am thankful.

New Year ~ a time of change

Happy New Year!  I know I am a little late but it’s better late than never right?  This year is bringing stress and excitement.  Therefore I have named this year the “Year of Change and Challenges!”  Let me just start by saying I can’t wait for this year to be over.

Why?  This year is going to be a year of a lot of changes for our family.  The biggest will be a massive renovation of our home.  This has been in the making for a few years but it is now becoming a reality and it scares me.  As soon as the snow is gone we will be moving into our trailer.  So I have until the snow melts to pack up our home.  This is an overwhelming task.  We moved into this home when I have 7 months pregnant and thankfully we had a lot of helpers but I didn’t get to pack or unpack anything really.  So I am going through things that surprize me and we are going to have one huge yard sale as soon as we can.  So that is our major challenge this year, we are hoping to have structure up so that we have someplace warm to live when the snow returns, and in Saskatchewan you never know when that will be.  This year we were heavily dumped on before Halloween!

Also, I have been working through the Fresh Brewed Life and it is really pushing me into some areas that scare me but I know it needs to be done.  I am thankful to be moving into the trailer because we will no longer have the TV as a distraction and I will have a lot more time to crochet, study and write. (that is when I am not helping with the reno) 

There will also be a lot of changes and additions to my website as well.  You may notice the new mailing list that I have added on the right.  I am building a mailing list of those that are interested in what I am doing, particularly with my book and ministry to teens girls.  That is an area that is going to be developing a lot in the coming months.  Please feel free to add your email and learn about this growing and developing area of my life that I am so excited about!!!

I am looking forward to growing and developing the character of Christ in 2011!  Would you like to join me for the journey?